Monthly Archives: July 2002

Whew!

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Our SMS team did it again and built an SMS package that distributed old (previous version) DLLs to multiple servers.

And since these DLLs were loaded on bootup by several services, there was no easy and quick way to re-upgrade the servers.

I love hearing people debating if we should let the SMS team build another package to try to undo what the first package did or if we should just rebuild the 18 affected servers.

Well, when I heard that last part I decided to take matters into my own hands.

Drove out to the data center (thankfully I still have full access to it) and took each server down at the console.

From there I was able to log on and replace the files the “old fashioned way”.

We got all of the servers back up in record time. In fact I was done before the meeting for what we needed to do was over.

My boss fussed at me for not getting enough sleep but at least the downtime was averted for our customers.

You know, sometimes the old fashioned brute force approach is still the best.

Who would have thought?

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Back at the office and performing an analysis on a Lyris server that keeps blue screening.

After the way the weekend has gone, this is actually relaxing.

Things are not anywhere close to normal, but still I think I may survive.

And also

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Dad is supposed to get me up at about 0600-0630 so I can drive to Dallas and try to get some rest before going in to work at 2100 tonight.

Joy.

I have got to try to sleep now.

I miss my Mom

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Being in the house tonight is hard.

Ate dinner and went to the back, went into the guestroom – Mom used to use it when no one was coming to work on different projects.

There on the desk are her glasses that she used for reading. Right where she had taken them off and left them so she could find them again. And I could smell just the faintest whiff of her perfume.

G*d I miss my mother.

I don’t know how much of this is just being in the house, what I have had to do all weekend, or backlash from the funeral.

I want to just be able to sleep and not dream. Unfortunately the dreams keep coming.

Why do I feel as if my whole world is completely out of control and about to come apart at the seams?

I am not sure how to describe what I need but I need it soon.

It is even harder to sit at the computer desk using a system that I built for my parents to upload all of my thoughts for this weekend.

Back to Kilgore

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Going back to Kilgore with my father.

Have gotten as much done as possible today.

Think I will be back in Waco on next Saturday at least.

Again

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Got to start back.

Will have filled up the storeroom before noon I bet.

Am going to have to store more stuff in the house until I can transport it from Waco to Dallas (me) and Kilgore (my father). But am going to have to get it out soon as we are closing the house on August 30.

This is harder than I thought

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This has been one giant emotional rollercoaster.

There are so many things that bring back so many memories

I have lost track of how many times I have had to just stop and cry for a while.

The truly amazing thing is that Richard (my uncle) can come in and do all of this without a tear. But then again he wouldn’t come visit my mother in the hospital before she died, and he didn’t cry at either my mother’s funeral or my grandfather’s funeral (his father).

I just don’t understand.

Giving a lot of the art that is left to my father as well as several other things.

We found my mother’s wedding dress, still heirloomed and preserved in the box. My father and I both had a long cry.

Found her Christmas stocking from when she was a little girl a little bit later.

I just want to stabilize. I keep going from ready to cry at the drop of a hat to totally numb. This has got to be shock all over again.

I don't believe it.

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Get to my grandfather’s house and my uncle’s wife has stripped it.

All of the silver is gone.

All of the gold band china.

All of the Stuben Crystal.

A lot of the art is missing.

Half of the kitchen has been emptied including all of the kitchen appliances.

And they want to pretend like nothing is missing.

It is evidentially that I am being f*cked. I want to see how completely they are going to try.

I will be a gentleman and not raise a nasty stink now. I am going to wait until after the reading of the will and we close the sale of the house. Then if I feel it is necessary, I will go to my uncle John and have a heart to heart talk before getting him to invoke the lawyers.

Saturday starts and I am not ready

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Talked with my great uncle a little bit ago. He is a lawyer and has been practicing law for almost 50 years.

My mother had not yet made a will.

I am their only child.

My mother and uncle were co-executors of my grandfather’s estate and both held power of attorney.

If my grandfather had died first, everything over and above whatever is specified in the will would have been divided between my mother and my uncle, and then when my mother died, it would have gone to my father.

But by Texas law, since my mother died first, I am her sole heir. But I did not have power of attorney passed to me and did not have passed executorship of the will.

Not sure when the will be read yet, but it seems that everything that was left to my mother, now goes to me in addition to whatever is left to me.

My first reaction is that I don’t want it. I would give it all up to have my mother back.

This is not how I want to become wealthy.

I know but . . .

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There is a lady that is courting my father.

She lost her husband recently.

So they can relate to each other well.

I know that Mom had told that that if/when she died that she did not want him to mope around and pine away.

I know that Dad still loves and misses her.

I want to be happy for him.

She is a really nice lady.

I just don’t know how I feel.

The funeral, et al.

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Got away from the office at about 0630

Drove into the morning sun.

About 0800 got a call from my father. They want to know if I could sing at the funeral.

. . . I have not been able to sing since my mother’s funeral. Since I sing tenor and my mother sang alto, we used to be teamed together a lot in choir – that is before she got sick. Even after she got sick she used to enjoy listening to me practice and sing. Her funeral had some of her and my favorite music. Ever since that day, I have not been able to make it work. no matter how hard I tried, the music would not come.

Fr. Babb’s wife is a musician and he loved music.

I told my father that I would try. I couldn’t guarantee anything but I would give it my best shot.

Got to Trinity, went down to where the choir was practicing. Ran through scales with the choir director, and put forth my best effort.

The music came.

It hurt a lot. A lot of the music was the same, but for the first time in two months, I was able to sing and make music.

Saw Mrs Babb after the funeral and she thanked me for my participation. Seeing her and Aaron really hurt.

I told Aaron that my mother would have been really proud of him.

I hope that the rest of the weekend will be easier.

Well, wish me luck. . .

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Heading out this morning first to Kilgore, then to Longview, then to Waco.

All without sleep.

I will have spotty internet access this weekend. I will be making entries to my handheld after the funeral, and while we work on shutting down my grandfather’s house.

I think all will be well.

Geek Fest Time.

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OK back to geek mode.

I have downloaded the new ISOs and RPMs for my Linux build and can start work on the new server.

Why do I have to be such a computer geek?

Or am I?

Tell me what you think, does having Windows, Mac, and Linux boxes (all heavily modified) under the same roof and linked on a network make you a geek?

Hey I even took my Mac out of the closet! (No comments nata5) I know you will have something pithy to say about that.

All is well with the world

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Talked to my father this evening…

One of the brokers in his office took him to a place out in Jefferson where they serve good Tex-Mex and have good live music.

He has sounded better than he has in months.

I feel so much better now I have been worrying about my father for a while. He and my mother had been married for 40 years and had dated exclusively for five years before that. And to suddenly loose her like that….well, as hard as it was on me, I hate to think what he has had to go through. Especially being in the house they have lived in for the last 19 years.

You know, as much as I love and miss my mother, I think we may just make it through this yet.

Just talked wth my father again…

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The funeral is at 1100 on Friday.

So I will be leaving the office at 0600 on Friday morning (I hope) and driving three hours east.

Do the funeral, catch a nap and then ride with my father three hours to Waco to help deal with my grandfather’s estate for Sat and Sun.

Then three hours back to Kilgore, then three hours to Dallas.

This is going to be a long weekend.

Oh man, not again…

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Finally heard from my father last night.

My parent’s priest who had made several trips to Houston to be there for my parents while my mother was in the ICU had a severe heart attack on Tuesday.

He died this morning.

This is just not fair. He and his wife were my parent’s age. Not anywhere near old enough for this.

At least he didn’t suffer, it was over quickly.

Waiting to hear from my father when we the funeral will happen.

I am guessing that it will be on Friday.

Luckily, I have already taken Friday off so I can help deal with my grandfather’s house.

I am not happy with having a third funeral in as many months.

I need strength.

What a day

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Got a little sleep today, not well though.

Kept thinking and wondering what I could have done better for my mother.

Still can’t help feeling like I failed, if I had only seen it earlier. Or had researched harder. Then the cancer might not have won out in the end.

Hrmf…

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Well, even though I really needed it. It still feels strange to take a day off. But I have to admit that I really needed it.

I didn’t get as much accomplished as I wanted to do but I am much more rested and ready to lick tigers.

Who am I?

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CURRENT…
[ Current Clothes ] Shorts and an A-Kon t-shirt
[ Current Mood ] Pretty good. Rested.
[ Current Music ] nothing right now — Been watching the first season of Slayers again.
[ Current Taste ] Pretzels
[ Current Hair ] Needs combing, and probably could use a trim.
[ Current Annoyance ] none at the moment, but I am pretty sure that tomorrow night I will be plentay annoyed.
[ Current Smell ] Vanilla candle.
[ Current thing ] Revamping my site and unpacking from the move.
[ Current Desktop Picture ] Gravity Well 1.
[ Current Artist ] Mary Jane Lamond
[ Current Book you’re reading] The Bone Lady – Life as a Forensic Anthropoligist by Mary H Manhein.
[ Current CD in CD Player] Mary Jane Lamond – Suas e!.
[ Current DVD in player] Slayers
[ Current Color Of Toenails ] Sorry – not even close to my style.
[ Current Refreshment ] Rasberry Tea.
[ Current Worry ] waking up on time tomorrow evening for work.

LAST PERSON…
[ You Touched ] Think it was when I gave Angie a hug when she was taking Scottie to church yesterday.
[ You Talked to ] Talked to Michael on the phone last night to remind him to bring my software CDs to the office and leave them at my desk.
[ You Hugged ] I guess that would be Angie.
[ You Instant messaged ] Derek.
[ You Yelled At ] Venting or really yelling? Have not really yelled at someone for some time, but vented to Michael and Jeff this weekend.
[ You Kissed ] My mother – right before she died.

FAVORITE…
[ Food ] .
[ Non-Alcoholic Drink ] Rasberry Tea.
[ Alcoholic Drink ] Sangria Wine.
[ Color ] Forest Green and Deep Blue.
[ Album ] I have different favorite albums for different times and situations.
[ Shoes ] I don’t do brands, I want it to fit and be comfortable.
[ Candy ] Not a bigcandy fan, but do enjoy the Hershey Special Dark Bars.
[ Animal ] Cats and I would say Raccoons.
[ TV Show ] Not really a TV watcher, but I do turn on Discovery, TLC, History channel, etc.
[ Movie ] Way too long to list, but I really enjoy The Lion in Winter, Shakespeare in Love, and the suchlike.
[ Dance ] ? Have not really had a reason to dance in a while, hopefully that will change at some point.
[ Song ] Just like with favorite albums, I have different favorite songs for different times and situations.
[ Vegetable ] Asparagus.
[ Fruit ] strawberries.
[ Cartoon ] When I was younger it was Tom and Jerry and The Animaniacs, not sure if I have a current favorite.

ARE YOU…
[ Understanding ] I hope so.
[ Open-minded ] Definitely.
[ Arrogant ] As much as I hate to admit it I can be at times.
[ Insecure ] Yep.
[ Interesting ] I would like to think so, but certain people bring it out in me. i can feel like the most insignificant bore around some people.
[ Random ] At times.
[ Hungry ] Not really.
[ Friendly ] Yes, but extremely shy sometimes.
[ Smart ] This is a hard one, I have a very intuitive grasp of some things, others come a lot harder to me.
[ Moody ] Yes at times.
[ Childish ] Not really.
[ Independent ] Not as much I would like.
[ Hard working ] As long as I believe in what I am doing.
[ Organized ] Not as well as I want.
[ Healthy ] I would say so, I very rarely get ill.
[ Emotionally Stable ] At times I have to wonder but I think so.
[ Shy ] Around certain people and situations i definitely am.
[ Difficult ] I would have to have to leave that to my friends.
[ Attractive ] I don’t know.
[ Bored Easily ] Restless perhaps I like to keep my mind occupied.
[ Messy ] Yeah, but I try to not be.
[ Thirsty ] Not really.
[ Responsible ] Yes.
[ Obsessed ] Nope.
[ Angry ] No.
[ Sad ] No.
[ Happy ] More than I have been lately, but not where I need to be.
[ Hyper ] At times.
[ Trusting ] At times I am too trusting.
[ Talkative ] Only in certain situations.
[ Legal ] Yeppers.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO…
[ Kill ] I have been really frustrated with people, but I believe it is morally wrong to kill someone.
[ Slap ] Hrmf, I am more of a lover and not a fighter.
[ Get Really Wasted With ] Not one to really get wasted. I believe more in moderation.
[ Get High With ] Not one to get high either, I don’t like to do anything that will screw up my head.
[ Tickle ] Tickle?
[ Look Like ] Why would I want to be anyone but myself?
[ Talk To Offline ] Friends from work, and friends away from work. Would be really interesting to get to talk with Larry Niven and learn his creative process.
[ Talk To Online ] A whole hoard of friends and co-workers. I am always open to making new friends, so IM me (MSN Messenger: CodeCatTX@hotmail.com)! Unfortunately I tend to be too shy to start a conversation myself.

Sleepytime. . . .

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Ran around with Michael and Jeff, worked on the Linux server for Neverwinter Nights.

Watched My Cousin Vinny again. with Michael, Angie, and Jeff. Michael got a little frustrated when Jeff and I told him that he was the person who they had modeled the character of Vinny from.

So he was even more frustrated when he compared him to a badger.

Even more fun when his wife Angie agreed.

And now, to bed.