The wonderful thing about Messycans dedicated to marinebear

The Wonderful Thing About Messycans
The wonderful thing about Messycans
Is Messycans are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs
They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun
But the most wonderful thing about Messycans
Is Jess is the only one

The wonderful thing about Messycans
Is Messycans are wonderful chaps
They’re loaded with vim and with vigor
They love to leap in your laps
They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun
But the most wonderful thing about Messycans
Is Jess is the only one

Messycans are wonderful fellahs
Messycans are awfully sweet
Everyone elses is jealous
And thats why I repeat

The wonderful thing about Messycans
Is Messycans are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs
They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun
But the most wonderful thing about Messycans
Is Jess is the only one
Yes, Jess is the only one

I just don't know.

I had my world turned upside down earlier.

I need to think.

I may not be the most social person for a little bit. I’m sorry but I need to think.

How can life become more surreal

I have just fallen through a rift in the Time/Space continuum and am now in the Office Space universe talking to Bill Lumbergh’s clone.

And to make things worse, I keep typing


But they keep coming!

So far today I have worked with the following:

  • A DBA who does not know ANY SQL syntax – I had to explain to him even how to put his database in simple mode.*
  • A customer who could not be bothered to read his email that had a link to his statistics server complete with instructions on how to log in.
  • A Web Developer who did not understand that just because you register a domain with a registrar and tell them to use our NS Servers that we still have to create a zone file for that domain name before anything will resolve.

Come on people, this is not fair. I am trying to reformat reality and close the tag on stupidity but it is not working.

* It really fills my heart with joy to talk to a DBA who has no idea what he is doing with his job – it is very fulfilling to hand hold someone who is making 2 to 3 times your income and needs you to do his job for him because you know more about it than he does.

Where is Darwin and his Chainsaw of Natural Selection when you need him?

First – a link to the news article: Families of railroad victims file lawsuits

Now, quotes and commentary

Elfriede Murrell, 62, was killed June 28, 2004, when she stepped into the path of an Amtrak train. Fernando Bedolla-Huerta, 20, died almost three weeks later after he bicycled into the path of a Union Pacific freight train.

They are two of the 30 people since 1993 who have been hit and killed by trains on the Union Pacific line that goes through central Salem, close to homes, schools, businesses and government buildings. Their families both seek awards of more than $1 million.

OK, so when did we start paying people’s families for them being stupid enough to earn a Darwin Award?

The lawsuits claim that warning signals and safety devices along the tracks fail to protect pedestrians or bicyclists.

“After the installation of flashing lights and automatic cross arms in the early 1980s, fatalities involving vehicular traffic dropped to zero,” the complaints say. “However, fatalities involving pedestrians continued at one of the highest death rates for train-pedestrian incidents anywhere in the United States.”

So what are you wanting, for us to enclose the entire national rail system in a concrete tube to try and prevent people from doing their part to clean out the gene pool?

No definitive explanation emerged for Murrell’s death. Based on information from a witness, police determined that she stepped into the path of a southbound passenger train because she was distracted by something.

The lawsuit suggests that Murrell’s vision could have been impaired because she would have been looking into the sun. It also suggests that her ability to see the train might have been impaired by a safety fence installed near the tracks.

I want to try and understand how you could be so distracted that you would fail to notice an oncoming train. At this point, we are dealing with visual input (the train itself), auditory input (the sound of the oncoming train), tactile input (the vibrations caused by the trains motion on the tracks), and I am also assuming that there would be an olfactory component (the scent of the train and it’s engine) – so with all this input, she was so distracted that she failed to notice said oncoming train. And on that same vein, if the safety wall is so big as to obscure an oncoming train, one would think that it would also obscure the sun that was supposedly in her eyes.

In 2001, the number of deaths prompted city and state officials to construct a 5-foot-high fence and 14-foot-wide walkway on the east side of the tracks. The idea was to steer people to designated crossings instead of walking across the tracks at other locations.

The lawsuits maintain that the steel-and-concrete barrier poses a “sight-obscuring obstruction,” making it more difficult for pedestrians to see oncoming trains.

So let me get this straight – we had enough people pulling a darwin on this stretch of track that the city and state governments felt it necessary to build a five foot high and fourteen foot wide walkway of steel and concrete to keep this from happening – effectively blocking all cross traffic except for the approved and mandated crossing where there were undoubtedly lights and crossbars and suchlike. And this ambulence-chasing, scum-sucking, lawyer* wants to claim that the wall that was put in place to prevent people from pulling a darwin is, in fact, the very reason that they are trying to cull themselves? Oh give me a break.


*facepalm* followed by *headdesk* – Lather, rinse, repeat.

* Full disclosure, I come from several generations of lawyers, and as a result, I speak fluent weasel. But I am also a firm believer in the immortal words from the Bard. “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”

Do you want to know what is scarring?

To find out that one of your co-workers (a dba at that) owns a domain (that admittedly he wants to sell at this point) named

And the one email address associated with said domain is

Please make the bad visuals go away now.

My customers love me.

For some strange reason, I really don’t understand why.

I am short with them a lot, I don’t sugar coat things.

I will tell them when I think that there is a problem, I don’t pull punches in situations like that.

I do give them 100% – and I make it a point to educate them on what I am doing, that way I don’t have to ever do it again.

Let’s see, I don’t sugar-coat things, I am short, sweet, and to the point, and I make them work.

Yet they love me anyway, and now that I am back on days, they call in to our support queue and ask for me by name.

*sigh* I’ll just have to be meaner – this could cost me my BOFH title.

American Business ?!?!

(Sent to me by my father)

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

Afterward, the American team became very discouraged and depressed. The American company decided the reason for their crushing defeat had to be found. A management team made up of senior executives was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. They discovered that the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and one person rowing.

The management team for the American company hired a consulting firm to assist in analyzing this data, happily paying their considerable fee. After six months of hard work, the consulting firm concluded that too many people were steering the American boat, while not enough people were rowing. So the management team acted: To prevent losing to the Japanese again the following year, the team’s management structure was totally reorganized, to include 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder.It was called the Rowing Team Quality First Program, with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. In an all-out attempt to further provide empowerment and enrichments to the rower, new paddles and medical benefit incentives were promised in exchange for a victory in the next competition. The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the management team for the American company laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the senior executives as bonuses for a job well done.

Any question why my father is cool?


I so want to invoke Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.

marinebear is an evil, evil man and must be punished

He introduced me to the group Era*, and now after discovering that group and enjoying them, I have found two others – Lesiem and Magna Canta.

So everyone must punish him today. I need no more music addictions.

Just for this Jess, I am going to have to cook something. *cue ominous music*

* Be warned their site is flash happy.

*smug grin*

I was social.

I was right.

And you know what? It is not broken.

I am feeling rather smug.

I am terribly amused.

I have found something I wish I could give to isfacat

ZOMG, LOLLERSKATES, OMGWTFBBQ!!!!!1111!! Eleventy-One!

They said it couldn’t be done.

But they did it anyway.

DeviantArt presents . . . . .

Serenity, as told by the Muppets

Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
Part 4:
Part 5:
Part 6:
Part 7:
Part 8:

Several things

First few things are funny pictures so . . . Snip – I respect your bandwidth

Seriously starting to wonder about people here.

N.Y.-bound puppies used as drug couriers

I have an idea, let’s perform the same procedure on the smugglers and see how they like it.

Oh Em Gee ROFLBBQ!!!1111! Eleventy-One!

My boss just asked me to train the new guy.

*evil grin*